A year and 2 days after my last post, here’s a little RP moment.
It’s just after the Cataclysm, and my Paladin’s daughter who went to Gilneas to go to college has just been found safe and sound, except now she has an embarassing problem every time she gets angry she grows her hair really long and develops bad posture. Still her course in Naturopathy has turned into one in Druidism and that’s always nice.
“What did you do in the war on the Lich King mummy?”
“Well I lead some nine other brave souls into Naxxramas to take down his lieutenant and trusted right hand lich Kel’thuzad. Sometimes even twenty-four other people went in”
“Yes, everyone’s done Naxx, and as I recall you saw it briefly when it was in the Eastern Plaguelands, that’s where you got your fear of giant dung beetles. What else did you do?”
“Well, I killed a black dragon that was there for no good reason anyone can think of unless they’ve read a book so bad that even I can’t bear to go more than 20 pages in without crying.”
“OK, fine a dragon with no connection to Arthas. What else?”
“Well, I did a little helping out at the Argent Tournament and killed a few of our own people and severely wounded some of their top Horde champions. Then a Death Knight flew in and I killed him three times in a row. Though he did first kill the commentator and desecrate the corpses of all the poor Argent people I’d just murdered.”
“Right, well that’s either heroic or at the very least psychopathic. Did you compete in the bigger tournament with the beasts and even more Horde people to maim and kill for some reason?”
“No, it didn’t like look my kind of thing, I’d heard that there was a-”
“Oh, yes, giant dung beetle. Sorry. Fair enough. Did you at least go into Ulduar?”
“Well, I looked AT Ulduar, and I bought some armor from people who HAD been in it. Does that count?”
“No, not really. So, when the time came to take the fight to Arthas what did you do?”
“I bravely followed Lady Proudmoore into his inner sanctum along with four other brave heroes, we stopped Arthas’s soul grinders, killed a giant face for some reason and then moved into a quarry. There we freed many Alliance slaves and didn’t actively harm any Horde ones, fought a giant, a gnome riding another zombie giant and a Death Knight on a frostyrm, We were heroes. Until a bigger Frostwyrm killed all the Alliance people we freed, which made a lot of our hard work invalid. Then we broke into Arthas’s bedroom where he keeps his sword.”
“His sword?”
“I know, very Freudian. He also keeps a bunch of ghosts and his two most trusted Death Knight soldiers. who appear to live in alcoves in his bedchamber to fix an issue with the lore of the universe. Anyway, we killed them, while Lady Proudmoore bravely fought Arthas. But she was badly wounded so we snuck out onto his huge icy balcony and ran away until an airship came to pick us up.”
“Right, so did you kill Arthas?”
“No, we ran away.”
“And then?”
“Well, Arthas keeps some nice stuff in his bedroom, and his friends all seemed to carry nice shiny stuff too. So since we knew he rarely left the backdoor locked we kept convincing Jaina to give it another go. In the end we always had to run away from Arthas.”
“Really? That’s not heroic at all. That’s just petty larceny really.”
“Good point. It got really bad when he started yelling ‘Hey you kids keep away from my bins’.”
“So, did you then bravely enter Icecrown Citadel by the front door and kill Arthas properly?”
“Well, we thought about it, but then we found out that all the other monsters in the other dungeons around Northrend had started carrying some coins which the Argent Crusade would swap for some quite nice armor. Even though we were barely doing anything to harm their real enemies.”
“That sounds pretty useful, what did you do with this armor?”
“We kept using it to clear out the same old dungeons over and over to collect some easy money.”
“Couldn’t you have used it to take the fight to the Lich King?”
“I could have, but that might have got me hurt, and I was worried that on past records he would have a giant dung beetle somewhere inside his compound.”
“It’s as well I’m here to take over so you can go to the retirement home really isn’t it?”
“Yes, I suppose it is at that.”